Dark night of the soul in Greece
last night I thought I was dying!
Or rather, my little me thought so. In fact, there was nothing wrong. And yet it felt like dying. For those of you familiar with Eckhart Tolle, you might know what I'm talking about. A small death of the ego, the pain body. The mind that says, "But wait, without me in charge we won’t be ok!" The body that panics. Convulsions in my body from an intense energy that shoots through all whole body, from the center of my pelvis, my base, through all my chakras at immense speed, one after another. Fear of literal and figurative death, so strong that I can almost taste it. The heart that stays calm throughout this whole experience and that waits with patience and compassion for the worst to pass. All the limiting thoughts and feelings that are stored in me pass by and are immediately disarmed by the power of the heart. It's scary and hurts emotionally and physically, but at the same time there is trust and light. And besides the discomfort, there is also a pleasant sensation in my body. I breathe with an intense awareness of the fact that I am breathing and I feel my skin under my fingertips as if I was touching myself for the first time. So sensitive and wonderful! Crying and laughing at the same time. An awakening to the knowledge that everything my ego comes up with to control the game that is life is just that, it is just a game. I don't have to be afraid and take everything so seriously, fear that I am not good enough or fail in life. After all, there is nothing to achieve or obtain. Everything is already there, it is already you. Purpose and love. That's all. In the here and now, we can make a choice at any time. A choice with your ego or a choice with your soul. Fear and obstructive thoughts, or love and trust. Trust in The Devine Design and the universal energy that connects everything.
This was a moment I was so fortunate to experience lying in my bed in Betsy Bus, in a deserted spot on a beautiful beach in Greece. A gift that came to me2 nights ago in the dark in the middle of the night and that I have been able to receive and have lost and forgotten several times in recent years in order to receive it again and again with love and patience from the universe.
The human experience is perfectly imperfect and that includes falling back in fear and forgetting the rules of the game sometimes. Especially in the turbulence of the past year with all the fear and uncertainty that comes to the surface in the world.
Do you ever have this feeling? This fear of death, any death, physical, emotional, energetic, whatever? Uncertainty and limiting thoughts and emotions that keep you trapped and make you feel that you are almost choking to death? Know that you are not alone and that these moments of fear and uncertainty are actually gifts in disguise. A gift in the form of an experience that will help you transform yourself to a lighter and higher vibration, where more and more falls away and more and more space is created for who you really are.
Love and purpose.
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