Why I travel, A story about healing✨

Many people feel like being free on the road in a van is the best and most amazing life you can have. Certainly if we believe all the vanlife instagram posts and accounts. 

For me it is like this. 

Yes it is a beautiful life and I enjoy traveling and the free energy of it immensely, but it is actually not the reason I sold my house, abandoned my old life and just hit the road in the middle of the pandemic.

It was not a lifelong dream of mine to do so. It just sort of came to me in the summer of 2019 when I was already trying to heal for 2 years from the next major depression and 2nd big burn-out in my life. I tried so many things over the last decade of my life. Countless therapies in and outside of the main healthcare system, all the self help books I could find, major gastric surgery, healthy eating or just eating and Purging myself into a zombie like state. Trying desperately to connect and not knowing how, or totally isolate myself into the darkness and just give up. Bodywork, mindfulness, yoga….. all of it. And still I didn’t seem to get it. 

So in the summer of 2019 it really sounded like a voice inside me, a higher intelligence just simply told me: “Sell your house, Abandon everything, buy a van and get going. If you don’t you will never get out of this state of woundology”….

So that is what I did. 

And I can tell you it wasn’t and still isn’t all sun and beautiful beaches surf dudes and singing songs at the campfire. It is a constant stream of deconstructing my old habits and belief systems, crushing my stubborn sense of unworthiness and all the white and black noise around that. With love and empathy for myself letting it all die and being reborn into a new sense of self worth and self love. 

Almost every day is a dance of thinking I am in control and have some structure, just to lose it again in a flash. Letting go of the control and come back into trust that my path will unfold itself and I will find my flow and purpose again. So many plans I have made while traveling and so many of them fell through, changed or came back to me in another way. It demands me to fully let go and trust. Trust in myself and in the higher loving intelligence that simply Knows all. 

So healing is what’s happening for me big time and it is not all sugar medicine

but o so powerful and epic!

Here is a little healing song for you that came to me the other day when I was again just trying to find some anchor and a sense of safety and control over my “van”life and this healing journey. Especially after losing my beloved cat Mimi and finding my way into unknown territory again, physically and emotionally. 

Much ❤️ Kirsten.

#vanlife #healing #healingjourney #whyitravel #vanlifediaries #vanlifereality #healingyourself #healingmusic #cosmicconsciousness #cosmicshift