Tired of Should and Must.
What a day yesterday, really a Vulnerable Friday! It seems as if I literally manifested that for myself by starting the weekly vulnerability shares. Last week I was unable to post on Friday due to a personal process and this week is no different. For the past month I seem to be going through a process every Friday. Great of course, but that was not entirely my intention with the Vulnerable Friday shares, haha! And maybe it was. The universe thinks that way anyway.
The piece of land where I am now allowed to stay also has a very high energy and my dear friend here, where I am staying, intuitively knows very strongly what to say or do, too push my buttons of old patterns and ways of thinking that hold my soul captive of who I really am.
I also really believe that we can dissolve old trauma an such faster and faster on the way to a higher vibration of truth, now that the earth is also working so hard on that ascension. What used to take years to transform can now be converted into weeks, days or even hours. Really beautiful, but a bit of a pressure cooker. That is why the Friday shares seem to be a bit different in the last month. And that's just fineby me.
Yesterday a deep part of me was touched which is linked to my intrinsic sense of worthlessness. Suddenly the DUTY of MUST AND SHOULD rose so strongly that my whole body went into a painful cramp and that tiredness fell over me like a thick heavy blanket.
That feeling of DUTY as a survival mechanism for fear of not being accepted or not fitting in with society is so great that I unconsciously spend all day doing all kinds of things to be found nice, sweet, loyal, helpful, successful and so on and thus to feel accepted.
Do you recognize yourself in that too?
And what if I just let go of all that MUST DO and SHOULD DO, even if only for a day? What happens then? And who will watch over me when I lower my shield and close my eyes in full vulnerability to rest for a while?
Then nothing bad will happen and the person who watches over me is nobody else but me.
That awakening felt so scary and lonely and so comforting at the same time. I could feel the little girl inside myself who has not felt protected and supported in those moments of vulnerability and had to put on the mask of must and should. And I could hear, see and comfort her in this vulnerable moment.
And what remains of my identity if I let go of everything I can and do out of that feeling of having to? If I go from Human Doing back to Human Being? Gosh what a scary question that is to experience! The answer to that is simple, love. I am a source of unconditional love and I don't have to do or achieve anything to be just that. I still find this quite difficult to really feel and integrate for a longer period of time. Fortunately, that process becomes a bit easier every time I let go of another layer of my fear.
So I sat on the ground for a while. I felt my body relax and sink deeper into the earth. And the tears of fear and tiredness I held on to for so long streamed down my cheeks. What a beautiful process of letting go and healing.
Last night I had a dream in which I was allowed to go through another shadow piece by going through a deep anger release. In my dream there were strong emotions of anger and sadness and the people around me could not deal with them. Normally I would contain and lock those emotions in to take away the discomfort for others. But not this time. I screamed and raved in my dream and was able to fully support myself and give myself space. That was a lighter and cleaner way to wake up indeed!
Yep, so those processes and that vulnerability are doing their job, clearing my soul away from old stuckness and density, to a lighter and free state. I hope you may experience this too and if so, know that you are not alone right now. That the whole world is busy with that shift and that more and more people also feel this energetically and wake up. That this can be a fierce process and that rest and taking good care of yourself is not only very important and nice, but even necessary to get through it properly!
Do you need help or a spaceholder with this? I can offer you that help and space through online coaching. Click here for more information.
Love 🤍 Kirsten.
If this text has touched you or brought something of value and you want to help me to spend more time and space on channeling the flowers, I would be so grateful for a donation if you can and will spare it from the heart. Thank you❤️
