When may we just be?
About last night...
What does really being allowed to be mean? How does that feel? I was just wondering that while lying awake at 3 a.m., missing something and at the same time intellectually knowing that I don't need anything outside of myself to be complete. I first felt a moment of sadness about missing a romantic relationship in my life. Then the thought occurred to me that it may never come for me and that that is my lesson in this life, another moment of sorrow. And maybe it will come my way, who knows, I cannot predict it and that is part of the adventure of life of course. And the lesson I can learn from this, what’s that about? That I don't have to live up to an ideal image to be accepted by the patriarchal establishment, as a heterosexual woman. I can imagine that this link feels different for LGBTQ people, but for me those 2 things, (being accepted in a romantic relationship and the patriarchy which is still leading for now), are connected. Strange perhaps, but that message is what I apparently received in this life as a woman and in other lives, or through the family generations before me. Does not being in a relationship, having the right figure, or the right character traits say anything about my worth? Out of fear I feel this is so, but luckily I also feel the answer deep inside that, “THIS IS NOT TRUE”. And yet it is confronting to feel those old conditionings. To feel that one cannot exist without the other. This way of fear thinking is an old conditioning of having to survive in an old power system as a woman, I feel, and I think that I am certainly not alone in that. It also explains a lot of the competition among women that makes me very sad at times too.
Fortunately, this is not the truth and those 2 things are not mutually exclusive. In fact, it only complements each other. I may feel complete from within myself with all my shadow and sunny sides and by radiating that, I may attract what my heart desires. Only a an extra joy in life, not as a to fill an imaginary gaping hole (because that hole does not exist, besides in my fearthinking). It may feed me but I never need to be filled because I am already whole and complete.
I opened my curtains to gaze at the stars for a sense of peace and unity. And there was a shooting star just at the very moment I thought and felt, I am enough as I am.
I don't need more, better and bigger. If I no longer achieve anything in my life other than just breathing, that is completely sufficient and okay. I don't need to be an influential, important person or accomplished to make a difference. I can just be. The fact that I exist is my greatest achievement in this life, the rest is extra. That is living in the gift to me. Life is truly a gift I feel when I consciously think about that.
I have no ambition I notice, when it comes to a career path, or a 5 year plan, or that sort of thing. Never really had. Which often gave me the feeling of being a rolling stone and a less valuable or purposeful being, because you have to have plans and set goals in life if you want to be able to participate in this world, do you not! But as soon as I started working with business plans and a well thought-out and planned life path, or tried to direct or plan my romantic life path, it never worked for me, I would say that it was counterproductive.
Now I feel that in essence that's just right for me, that idea that I don't have to have ambition in any area. Because I have already achieved what is needed in this life and that is simply to exist. I think I've been feeling that since my early childhood and that's why I struggled growing up, with growing up and with all the expectations and ambitions entailed. That's not what the gift of life is about for me. The shooting star and the beautiful starry sky confirmed that to me last night. Thank you Universe❤️
Love ♥︎Kirsten.
If this text has touched you or brought something of value and you want to help me to spend more time and space on channeling the flowers, I would be so grateful for a donation if you can and will spare it from the heart. Thank you❤️
